A little bit of whim here. Literally just set up this site as I was writing a Facebook post and it reminded me how much I like writing, and how much I feel I have to say that doesn’t feel quite right being shared in a general social media post. I’ve wanted to be a writer for as long as I can remember yet I waste my time playing on my phone, scrolling social media and just generally not doing much. I’ve started this blog so that I can start writing and so that I can have somewhere to write down thoughts and ideas and maybe even post a short story. I just needed to get going quite frankly.
A few things about me and this site.
This is not about Doughnuts or Pastries. Sorry. These are just things I like, I struggle with interesting or witty user names and I wanted to stay a little anonymous until my confidence grew.
This is not a mummy blog either, even though I am in fact a mummy. My family may make guest appearances in the writing, but I don’t envisage this being about my family solely. Although to be honest I am still figuring out what this is.
I don’t like New Year’s Eve. I do like New Year’s Day and this thought is the catalyst for my first ever blog.
So, Happy new year everyone. 2020 was a year that seems to have left no one unscathed but where everyone has learnt something about themselves and/or made several realisations, well, according to their new years posts anyway. Facebook and Instagram posts are all about gratitude and kindness, love and generally just being glad the year is done. They are filled with hope about the coming year and an end to the shit show that has been 2020. Vaccines are being administered and I, too am hopeful that a corner can be turned pretty quickly into 2021. I am pro vaccine and science FYI.
Generally my year actually hasn’t been too bad, I’ve had family time I didn’t expect, my husband and I got on very well in isolation and generally its been ok, apart from the underlying tension I think everyone feels. I don’t feel like I’ve learnt anything new though, but my thoughts and feelings have been honed shall we say. I have become more vocal about things that matter to me and have almost alienated people because of it. I may have been around a while but I still do have things to refine. I don’t think I will be changing a huge amount, my belief’s are pretty well ingrained but I do need to pick my battles, something that although its been a good year, despite everything, is something I work on everyday.
I have had one quite unpleasant situation (outside of the world wide pandemic of course) that I had to battle with this year, after previously wondering whether it would be worth it. It involved someone who is no longer a friend, their general entitlement and money. I wont actually go into all the details on this one but reflecting on my year while I sat with my coffee this morning made me really think about how you just don’t know people. You can however gauge how they will treat you should things go wrong on how they treat others and I have been dwelling on this a little too much recently. I struggle to see how people can still think this particular person is a good person when they have treated someone who used to be a friend so very poorly. A true reflection of your character is how you treat people you dislike, or think of as no consequence to you and honestly I should have seen the signs before. I am not perfect and in fact this situation has made me very aware of how I treat others even more so then I was before. I will not get such consideration from my used to be friend and the situation is made harder for me in so many ways due to mutual friends and acquaintances who don’t see what I do, or turn a blind eye to the behaviour.
I’ve certainly learnt that sometimes to not be taken advantage of, you have to stand strong and my situation is not quite over but I am hopeful that by the end of 2021 my battles with my toxic used to be friend will be over. So here’s to a continued strength in 2021 to be true to myself, my beliefs, with the wisdom to know when to let go and when to fight, to continue to be honed. No “New year, New me” but how about, New year, refined me.
NB. I started writing this on new years day but in true form I faffed and delayed. Honestly, quite proud that I made myself sit and finish this off, so only 1 day later then I planned! Thank you for reading